There was a time in my life when I thought I had it figured out.
Not in a loud, arrogant way… but in a quiet, subtle way that I didn’t even realize at first.
After everything I had been through, after 19 years of addiction, after the mistakes, the pain, and finally finding freedom… I remember thinking something like,
“If I could come out of all that, why can’t they?”
And while I may not have always said it out loud, there were moments early on where my mindset leaned in that direction.
“What’s their excuse?”
Looking back now, I can see it clearly.
That wasn’t strength.
That wasn’t wisdom.
That was immaturity in my healing.
The Part We Don’t Talk About
When people first come out of a broken season, especially addiction, there’s often this phase where everything feels clear.
You see what you did wrong.
You see what needs to change.
You feel like if people would just do what you did, they could get out too.
But what I didn’t understand back then was this:
Not everyone’s ruins look the same.
Not everyone’s starting point is the same.
Not everyone’s wounds are the same.
Not everyone’s mindset is the same.
Not everyone even knows where their struggle is really coming from.
And I didn’t understand that because I hadn’t fully understood my own story yet.
What God Started Showing Me Over Time
As the years went by, God began to soften something in me.
He began to show me that my past wasn’t something to stand on.
It was something to learn from.
When I started really looking back at my life, I didn’t just see addiction.
I saw layers.
I saw childhood wounds.
I saw insecurity.
I saw the need for approval.
I saw broken thinking.
I saw moments where I didn’t know how to process what I was feeling.
I saw things I never healed, I just covered them.
And when I saw that, everything changed.
Because now when I look at someone struggling…
I don’t see someone who just needs to “try harder.”
I see someone who might be carrying something deeper than anyone around them understands.
From “What’s Your Excuse?” to “I Get It”
There’s a big difference between those two mindsets.
“What’s your excuse?” pushes people down.
“I get it” pulls people up.
When I look at my past now, I don’t see something that puts me above anyone.
I see something that reminds me how easy it is to fall.
I see pain.
I see broken thinking.
I see confusion.
I see moments where I didn’t know how to get out.
So instead of asking someone why they can’t change…
I’d rather sit with them long enough to understand why they’re stuck.
Because people who are struggling don’t need someone pointing at them.
They need someone reaching for them.
Why This Matters More Than Ever
We live in a time where it’s easy to judge.
Easy to compare.
Easy to call people out.
Easy to say what someone “should” be doing.
But real change rarely comes from pressure.
It comes from understanding.
It comes from truth, delivered with grace.
It comes from someone who has been there saying,
“You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. Let’s walk through this.”
Why I Wrote Rising from the RUINS
This is exactly why I wrote Rising from the RUINS.
Because I’ve learned that what we see on the surface is rarely the real story.
Ruins don’t happen overnight.
They’re built over time through things we never healed, lies we believed, and pain we didn’t know how to deal with.
That book isn’t about pointing fingers.
It’s about understanding how we got where we are
and how God can rebuild it, piece by piece.
And I’ll be honest about something.
If you connect more with people who use shame and guilt to push others down…
this book probably isn’t for you.
Because that’s not what this is.
And it’s not who I ever want to become.
Lessons I’ve Learned Through This Journey
1. Healing doesn’t automatically create empathy
At first, it can create clarity… but empathy takes time.
2. Everyone’s story has layers you can’t see
What looks like a simple problem is usually something much deeper.
3. Shame rarely leads to real change
It might create temporary behavior shifts, but it doesn’t heal anything.
4. Your past is meant to help you understand, not elevate you
If your story makes you feel above others, you’ve missed the point.
5. Grace is what pulls people forward
Not pressure. Not guilt. Not comparison.
Final Thought
My past didn’t make me better than anyone.
It made me more aware of how broken I was, and how much grace I needed.
And if God can pull me out of that,
Then I’m not here to judge someone still in it.
I’m here to meet them in it.
Because none of us need more shame.
We need grace.
We need truth.
And sometimes we just need someone willing to say,
“You’re not alone… and you’re not too far gone.”
— Chris Benton
